Here Come the Muppets

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Here Come the Muppets

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This show was located in a theater that used to be the end of the walking portion of the Backstage Studio Tour. The holding area of the show featured Muppet posters and a video of Rowlf playing the piano and singing songs such as I Never Harmed an Onion So Why Should They Make Me Cry? while being interrupted by Sam the Eagle. Neither appeared in the actual show. Instead of featuring the actual Muppets in the 15-minute show, the characters were portrayed in life-size costumes with mouths that moved. Footage of the actual Fozzie and Miss Piggy puppets were shown on the Picturephone. The show premiered on May 25, 1990 and was meant to tide guests over while Muppet*Vision 3D was being built, although the two shows overlapped for a few months when the film premiered in May of 1991. Here Come the Muppets played until September 2, 1991. There was another show called Muppets on Location- The Days of Swine and Roses that premiered a few days later at the original Theater of the Stars. The Here Come the Muppets building was later used for The Voyage of the Little Mermaid.

Here Come the Muppets stage show Disney MGM Studios

Here Come the Muppets Script

Kermit (Enters through the door humming the theme from The Muppet Show and then gasps): Oh my gosh! (Stammers) It's time for the show. Um, oh where is everybody? Um, (clears throat) uh, hi there! I'm Kermit the Frog and we're uh, well we're almost ready. Fozzie? Gonzo? Piggy?

(A picture phone rolls on the stage from the right and begins to make noise. The screen says "Walt Disney World Picturephone System. Lift Receiver to answer call!" Kermit answers the phone.)

Kermit: Hello?

(Mickey appears in animated form on the screen of the picture phone.)

Mickey Mouse: Hiya Kermit, it's Mickey.

Kermit: Mickey!

Mickey: I'm calling on the picture phone to see how the show's going.

Kermit: Oh it's going, ah, ah, great! Just great.

Mickey: How does the audience like it?

Kermit: They-they love it. Uh, just listen to this applause. (He hold up the phone receiver and motions so the crowd will applaud.)

Mickey (laughs): Sounds swell. I can't wait to see it.

Kermit (nervously): Me too.

Mickey: What did you say?

Kermit: Uh, nothing Mickey. Listen, I gotta run. Uh, bye now.

Mickey: So long.

Kermit: Oh, this is terrible. I can't do the show alone. Uh, I know. The gang can't be far. I'll call. (He picks up the receiver of the video phone again and dials. Static appears on the screen. Lily Tomlin's character Ernestine the telephone operator appears.)

Ernestine: A gracious hello. This is your Walt Disney World picture phone operator. How may I be of assistance?

Kermit: Uh, um, well you see-

Ernestine: Maybe you'd like a reservation at the Chefs de France restaurant. They have a special on-frog's legs.

Kermit: Ick, uh, uh, look you don't understand.

Ernestine: Sir, we at the phone company are trained to be understanding.

Kermit: Oh good. Well, I'm trying to reach Miss Piggy.

Ernestine: Would that call be person to person?

Kermit: Uh, no it's more like frog to pig.

Ernestine (snorts): Frog to pig. To each his own. I'll connect you.

(Miss Piggy appears on the video phone wearing a mud mask with her dog Foo-Foo.)

Miss Piggy: Bonjour.

Kermit: Piggy, it's Kermit!

Miss Piggy: Kermy, cherie! How are you?

Kermit: Terrible. The show's started. Where are you?

Miss Piggy: Oh Kermy, I am so sorry. But right now I'm in an important business meeting with uh, some of the Disney executives. You know, showbiz?

Kermit: Piggy, this is a picture phone! We can see you!

Miss Piggy (screams and covers the screen): I'll be right there!

Kermit: Great, ok that's one down. (He dials the phone again.)

Ernestine: A gracious good after-oh, it's you again.

Kermit: Uh, listen, could you please connect me to Fozzie bear?

Ernestine: Oh my, my, my, my. Aren't we in a rush. Proper phone connections take time.

Kermit: I'm sorry.

Ernestine: You don't know what sorry is.

(Fozzie appears on the screen.)

Fozzie: Hello?

Kermit: Fozzie, where are you?

Fozzie: Kermit! Oh Kermit, I don't know where I am. I'm sorry but I can not make it to the show because I am completely and totally and utterly LOST!

Kermit: Uh, well Fozzie, see that green door behind you?

Fozzie: Yes?

Kermit: Uh, go through it.

Fozzie: Ah! Ok. I'm going through it!

(Fozzie appears in person on the stage.)

Fozzie: Oh no, Kermit! You're lost too!

Kermit: Fozzie, this is the stage, look!

Fozzie (gasps): Oh! I knew that!. Ah! (to the audience) Hiya hiya. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

Kermit: Oh good, now where's everybody else?

Fozzie: Oh, they're coming on the monorail.

Kermit: But Fozzie, the monorail doesn't come through here.

(A noise is heard on the left side of the stage and a jet of steam appears. Animal, Dr. Teeth and the rest of the Electric Mayhem band exist from the front of a monorail that has appeared.)

Fozzie: It does now!

Animal: Monorail! Monorail!

(The band members chatter all at the same time, saying things such as "Here we are", "We're back", etc.)

Dr. Teeth: Ok, introducing Dr. Teeth! That's yours truly. And the Electric Mayhem!

Floyd: Oh yeah!

Janice: Fer sure!

Animal (holding the steering wheel of the monorail and looking at the audience): Oh! Lady! Hi lady! Hi lady! I like lady.

Janice: Chill out, Animal.

Dr Teeth: Hey but don't worry about him, he's very gentle. He loves kids.

Floyd: Yeah, he ate two this morning. (Band groans.)

Janice: Oh really?

Kermit: Ok, alright, alright. Hey you guys go and get set up for the big finale, ok?

(The Band agrees.)

Floyd: Come on, Animal.

Kermit: Now then, places everybody, for the opening number. Opening number. Clear the stage. Ok. Hey Fozzie, hit it!

(The background screen shows footage from silent movies and some Muppet footage.)

Fozzie:

Make 'em laugh.

Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?

Ha ha!

My dad said "Be an actor, my son

But be a comical one."

Kermit:

They'll be standing in lines,

for those old honky tonk monkeyshines.

Gonzo: Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite

Bean Bunny: And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat.

Fozzie:

Just slip on a banana peel,

the world's at your feet.

All:

Make 'em laugh.

(Footage on the screen shows Muppet penguins as Kermit and Fozzie swap jokes, vaudeville style.)

Fozzie: Yes sir! Oh Mr. Frog?

Kermit: Ah, yes, Mr. Bear?

Fozzie: Do you know why my uncle tied banana peels to his feet?

Kermit: No Mr. Bear. Why did your uncle tie banana peels to his feet?

Fozzie: Because, he wanted a pair of-slippers!

(After the crowd groans, Kermit motions for silence.)

Kermit: Oh Mr. Bear.

Fozzie: Yes, Mr. Frog?

Kermit: You know, your jokes are like wine.

Fozzie: You mean, they improve with age?

Kermit: No. Too much of them and you're sick! Okay? Take us home, Mr. Bear!

All:

Make 'em laugh.

Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?

Gonzo: Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite.

Bean Bunny: And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat.

All:

Just slip on a banana peel,

the world's at your feet

Make 'em laugh.

Kermit (to Fozzie): You're on my flipper.

Fozzie: Sorry.

Kermit: Ok. Next it is my great privilege to introduce a performer I've known for a long, long time. In fact, we started together so long ago that uh-

Miss Piggy: That's enough, frog.

Kermit: Uh, uh, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Piggy!

Miss Piggy (sighs and clears throat):

Over and over,

others have tried to shine.

Over and over,

they're tried to look as fine.

Over and over,

they've searched for the secret that's mine!

But over and over,

they've missed what make Moi divine!

'Cause I've got-

(Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Bean come on stage carrying large feather fans.)

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Walk.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Talk.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Smile.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Charm.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Love.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Of course I've got a great big smile. So over,

All: Over and over.

(They get a little over zealous with the fans, causing Miss Piggy to sneeze.)

Miss Piggy: And over.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: Oh I'll be a star for you.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: Now over,

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: And over.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: What more can I do? Cause I got a personality.

All: Walk

Miss Piggy: A personality.

All: Talk

Miss Piggy: A personality.

All: Smile.

Miss Piggy: A personality.

All: Charm.

Miss Piggy: A personality.

All: Love

Miss Piggy: A personality. Of course I got a great big smile. So over,

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: And over.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: Oh I'll be a star for you.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: Now over,

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: And over.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: What more can I do? 'Cause I've got,

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Walk.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: A talk.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: A smile.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: And charm.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: And love.

All: A personality.

Miss Piggy: Of course I've got a great big smile. So over,

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: And over.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: I'll be a star for you.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: Now over,

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: And over.

All: Over and over.

Miss Piggy: And over and over and over! I'll be a star for you. So what! More can I do?

All: What more can Piggy do?

(Thanks to Johnny Casella for the above scan.)

(Bean keeps singing the song while the others appear to be charged up by the number.)

Kermit: Very, very nice.

Miss Piggy: Thank you! Thank you!

Kermit: Nice.

Miss Piggy: Kissy! Kissy!

Floyd: Yo, Kermit! My main frog!

Kermit: Ah, what is it, Floyd?

Floyd: We're gonna need a couple of more seconds to get this gig swingin'.

Kermit: What?

Floyd: Well you see, Animal ate one of our amplifiers!

Animal: Amplifier! Amplifier!

Kermit: Oh, what am I supposed to do?

Floyd: Improvise.

Animal: Improvise! A ha ha!

Kermit: Improvise? Hmm. Here's a nice little song you may have heard.

(Fozzie brings out a stool for Kermit to sit on. The screen in the background projects the Earth and images to go with Kermit's song.)

Kermit:

It's not that easy being green.

Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.

When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold.

Or something much more colorful like that.

But green's the color of spring.

And green can be cool and friendly-like.

Fozzie: And green can be big like an ocean.

Gonzo: Or important, like a mountain!

Bean Bunny: Or tall like a tree.

All: When green is all there is to be, it could make you wonder why.

Kermit: But why wonder, why wonder. I'm green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful ! And I think it's what I want to be.

Bean Bunny: That's a really nice song.

(Fozzie and Gonzo agree.)

Kermit: Oh, uh, thank you guys. I wonder if the band is ready now?

Floyd: Yo, frog! We are ready.

(The band launches into song.)

Janice: Okay! Like, let's put our hands together! That's it! Wow what an intense emergence of clapping, totally! Hey, anybody here from Florida? Wow! You came all this way? Far out! This is intense! Okay, wherever you're from, keep clapping, and stay in the groove!

The Electric Mayhem:

DC, San Antone and the Liberty Town, Boston and a Baton Rouge.

Dr. Teeth and Janice: Tulsa, Austin, Oklahoma City, Seattle, San Francisco, too.

Dr. Teeth and Floyd:

Everywhere there's music, real live music, bands with a million styles.

But it's still that some old rock and roll music,

that really, really drives 'em wild.

The Electric Mayhem:

They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating,

and from what I've seen I believe 'em.

Dr. Teeth: Now the old boy may be barely breathing.

The Electric Mayhem:

But the heart of rock and roll, heart of rock and roll is still beating.

Animal: Still beating!

Fozzie: You know you make me wanna-

Gonzo: You know you make me wanna-

Bean Bunny: You know you make me wanna-

All: Shout! Pick my head up and shout!

Kermit: Hold my hands up and -

All: Shout!

Dr. Teeth: Come on now.

All: Shout!

Janice: Come on now.

All: Shout!

Miss Piggy: Come on now.

All: Shout!

Janice: Come on now.

All: Shout!

Fozzie: Take it easy!

All: Shout!

Fozzie: Take it easy!

All: Shout!

Bean Bunny: A little bit cuter now!

All: Shout!

Bean Bunny: A little bit cuter now!

All: Shout!

Gonzo: A little bit weirder now!

All: Shout!

Gonzo: A little bit weirder now!

All: Shout!

Janice: A little bit softer now.

All: Shout!

Miss Piggy: A little bit softer now.

All: Shout!

Janice: A little bit softer now.

All: Shout!

Miss Piggy: A little bit softer now.

All: Shout!

Janice: A little bit softer now.

All: Shout!

Miss Piggy: A little bit softer now.

All: Shout!

Dr. Teeth: A little bit louder now.

All: Shout!

Animal: A little bit louder now!

All: Shout!

Dr. Teeth: A little bit louder now.

All: Shout!

Animal: A little bit louder now!

All: Shout!

Dr. Teeth: A little bit louder now.

All: Shout!

Animal: A little bit louder now!

All: Shout!

Dr. Teeth: A little bit louder now.

All: Shout!

Animal: A whole lot more louder now!

All:

Heeeeeeeyyyyyy!

Animal: A little bit louder now!

All: Shout!

Animal: A little bit louder now!

All: Shout!

Animal: A little bit louder now!

All: Shout!

Animal: A little bit louder now!

(Music stops)

Animal: Louder! Louder! Louder! Yeah! I love this! (pauses) Sorry!

All:

Shout! Jump up and shout!

Jump up and shout!

Jump up and -

You know you make me want to shout! Yeah!

Animal: Shout! Shout!

Kermit: Ladies and gentleman, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem! With Dr. Teeth!

Dr. Teeth: Right on!

Kermit: Janice!

Janice: Fer sure!

Kermit: Floyd!

Floyd: Thank you, my frog!

Kermit: Zoot!

Zoot: Huh?

Kermit: Animal!

Animal: Bye-bye!

Kermit: Bean Bunny!

Bean Bunny: So long!

Kermit: The Great Gonzo!

Gonzo: See you all soon!

Kermit: Fozzie Bear!

Fozzie: Wocka-wocka!

Kermit: The one and only Miss Piggy!

Miss Piggy: Thank you!

All: And Kermit the frog!

Animal: Froggy!

Kermit: Thank you very much. Take care everybody, we'll see you soon!

(Everybody says goodbye.)

(After everyone exits, the following can be heard from offstage.)

Fozzie: Oh boy, that was a great show guys.

(Everyone agrees.)

Kermit: Hey, but next time try to get here before it starts.

(Everyone agrees.)

Gonzo: Hey, anybody wanna share a meatloaf and marshmallow sandwich?

Janice: I'm really trying to avoid red meat.

Bean Bunny: I'll take a marshmallow.

Kermit: Hey, did anybody turn these mics off? Hello?

All: Uh-oh. Shhhh!

Kermit: (whispered): Sorry! So long.

??? (whispered): Let's get out of here.

(Thanks to Alex for supplying some missing lines of script, as well as the best sounding source audio of this attraction that I've heard.)

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See ya real soon!