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Kitchen Kabaret

Kitchen Kabaret


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The Kitchen Kabaret

Kitchen Kabaret stage

 This show was one of EPCOT Center's opening day attractions on October 1, 1982.  The music was written by Scott Hennesy and Norman "Buddy" Baker.   The preshow area was designed to look like an alley with a stage door to the theater.  Posters designed for the acts of the show in this area were more like "teaser" posters because they did not show what the characters looked like in the actual show.  
 Like the rest of the pavilion, this show was sponsored by Kraft foods, which was driven home by the giant Kraft logo on the stage curtain.  Once Kraft was bought by The Phillip Morris Company in 1988 and merged with General Foods, the curtain was changed to say "Kraft General Foods".  
 Kitchen Kabaret was closed on January 3, 1994 and was replaced by Food Rocks.  Nestle had taken over as sponsor of the pavilion and not only did this show contain Kraft-branded characters, it featured the outdated concept of the four basic food groups instead of the current nutrition theory of the food pyramid.  
 The only character from the original show that stayed on for Food Rocks was Mr. Dairy Goods.  Once the original Kitchen Kabaret show was removed, some of the Audio-Animatronic figures were kept for awhile in a storage area underneath the Haunted Mansion at the Magic Kingdom.  The theater that this show and Food Rocks were both presented in was later removed for the Soarin' attraction.

Kitchen Kabaret Script

Announcer:  And now, Kraft proudly presents a show that has the whole town-cooking!  The Kitchen Kabaret!  Here's your hostess, Bonnie Appetit!  (A note on this line: audio of this show from the Walt Disney World Forever kiosks omits the sponsor name and substitutes: " And now, the show that has the whole town-cooking!  The Kitchen Kabaret!  Here's your hostess, Bonnie Appetit!")

(Bonnie appears on the small stage to the right of the main stage.  She is sitting on top of cookbooks with titles such as "Food For Thought" and has another one propped up on a music stand.)

Bonnie:  Oh dear, it's time for another meal.  
(Sings)
Yes there are days when I feel downcast,
and get the mealtime blues.
If I don't plan a proper meal,
my menu will be bad news.

Oh, the mealtime blues can get you,
every time you dine.
But we all can beat that rap,
and end up feeling fine.

So on those days when we feel downcast,
I'll give you all some clues.
To work magic in our kitchen,
mmm yeah, and chase away the mealtime blues.

Now the timing's right,
the show's prepared.
Let me serve it on up,
to you.
(A voice is heard saying "OK Krackpots, let's get cooking! " as the Kitchen Krackpots rise up from the floor of the stage to perform Chase Those Mealtime Blues Away.  Being that this show was sponsored by Kraft, the band members resembled Kraft products such as barbeque sauce, mayonnaise, salsa and parmesan cheese.  Bonnie shows up again on the small stage to the right of the main stage but this time she's in a Broadway-style outfit.)

Bonnie:
Thank you folks for coming to my kitchen,
as I sing the praise of good nutrition.
Eating balanced meals can,
keep you fit, feeling grand.

A variety at your three meals,
can only improve,
the way you feel.

The basic food groups make a perfect team,
when balanced they are held in high esteem.

Dairy, bread, and cereals,
meat, fruit, and vegetables.

They'll help you chase those blues,
those lowdown, mealtime blues.
They'll help you chase the blues away!

(Speaks)
Thanks gang.  That was a real spicy number.  (Sighs)  Aw they're such seasoned performers.  Now, let's get things started with a real chilling act.  Say hello to my friends, Mr. Dairy Goods and his Stars of the Milky Way!

Mr. Dairy Goods and the Stars of the Milky Way

(The refrigerator door opens with a cloud of frosty mist and Mr. Dairy Goods and the Stars of the Milky Way begin to sing.)

Mr. Dairy Goods:
It's time to meet some beauties,
at this, our rendezvous.
We all come from the dairy,
with moving words for you.
With grace, and ease,
here is- Miss Cheese!
A delightful array of curds.

Miss Cheese:
(Channeling Mae West)
Your taste buds, I'll appease.
I know how to please.
It's known that I'm too good for words.
Oh, isn't that right, big boy?

Mr. Dairy Goods:
Oh it certainly is.
It's nice to flirt with-
Miss Yogurt!
The love of many gourmets.

Miss Yogurt:
Your palate is assured,
I'm really quite cultured.
Make a soured scene okay,
and each and everyday.

Mr. Dairy Goods:
My what of course,
often I dream of-
Miss Ice Cream!
A beauty who's charming and sweet.

Miss Ice Cream:
Mmm, I'm cool through and through,
and I've got a double scoop for you.
To be with me baby,
it's such a tasty treat.

Mr. Dairy Goods:
Now you have met my beauties.
I think you will agree.
These girls have such style,
and taste that's heavenly.

(The refrigerator door then shuts.  Bonnie appears again, this time on the left side stage.)

Bonnie: And now, direct from the silos of the Midwest, The Cereal Sisters!

(The Cereal Sisters, who are modeled after the Andrew Sisters, appear on the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard.)

Boogie Woogie Bakery Boy

The Cereal Sisters (Mairzy Oats, Rennie Rice and Connie Corn):
We'd like sing about a friend who has really come far.
He started with some dough and then he rose to be a star.
He's hot when he leads the bread and cereal group.
An oven-right trooper he can never be duped.

It's known that he's no clown, a Boogie Woogie Bakery Boy,
the bread with the sound!

(The Boogie Woogie Bakery Boy plays his trumpet in a cupboard opposite of the window.)

He's cute.  
He toots.  
Tootle, tootle,
noodle, noodle.

Rennie Rice:  Macaroni.

The Cereal Sisters:
A blast.
He's fast.
Pasta, pasta,
pasta, pasta.

Rennie Rice:  Say spaghetti.

The Cereal Sisters:
He plays with so much fun,
with a hey bagel, bagel.

Rennie Rice:  And a hot cross bun.

Mairzy Oats: In time he found the shelf scene was getting humdrum.

Connie Corn:  Sick of going nowhere made him feel like a crumb.

Rennie Rice:  One day he left the cupboard, it had caused him strife.

(The Boogie Woogie Bakery Boy appears out of the toaster and begins to play his trumpet.)

The Cereal Sisters:
He cleared up his act for a new slice of life.
We're glad he kept his sound,
a Boogie Woogie Bakery Boy,
the toast of the town.
Take it from the toast.
Breads and cereals are the most!

(The cupboard door closes and The Boogie Woogie Bakery Boy slides down into the toaster.)

Bonnie:  I think I'll get together with the Toast of the Town for a jam session.

Eggz:  Hold it!  Hold the dialogue!  I'll do the funny stuff Hamm.

Hamm: Now mind your manners, son.  Don't forget, we're a team.

Bonnie: Sorry, fellas.  Well, here they are.  A real hot act to have come to us from a successful tour of the breakfast circuit, those breakfast buddies, Hamm and Eggz!  

 (Comedians Hamm and Eggz then appeared in smoking pans on top of the oven and performed their own Meat Ditties song as a slide show was projected near the kitchen window.  Hamm was voiced by Alan Reed.)

Hamm and Eggz


Eggz:  Home, home on the range.  And the pan with the butter-

Hamm: Not that song!  The one we rehearsed.  

Eggz (Disappointed): Oh.

Hamm:
(Sings)
As members of the meat group,
we would like to sing this song.

Eggz:
And cook you up some ditties,
as we're singing right along.

Hamm:
At meals our act is very keen.

Eggz:
We're choke full of protein.

Hamm and Eggz:
The meat group can help you keep strong!
Hamm:  Now we'll really beef up this act.

Eggz:  A -speaking of meat, let's tell them what happened down at the chicken coop, eh?

Hamm:
A hungry fox boldly walked in through a hen house door.

Eggz:
Too bad for him, he met a hen, who stood at six foot four!

Hamm:
He won't forget the lickin'.

Eggz:
He got from that big chicken.

Hamm and Eggz:
Now he gets his poultry from the store!  (Eggz laughs.)

Hamm:  By the way, Mr. Eggz-

Eggz:  Yeah?

Hamm:  Why was Chicken Little so upset the other day?

Eggz:  Well, his mother fell asleep in a hottub, and his brother was born hard boiled! (Laughs as a cowbell rings and his bow tie wiggles.)

Hamm:  One more joke like that and we'll get the hook.

Eggz:  Hook!  Say, that reminds me.  What about the fish story?

Hamm:
A school of fish grew tired of a bragging big mouth bass.

Eggz:
"Why get straight A's?"  He used to say, and so he would cut class.

Hamm:
Oh, he should've stayed in school.

Eggz:
A worm made him a fool.

Hamm and Eggz:
Now there's a test he did not pass! (Eggz chuckles again.)

Hamm:  Hmm, Mr. Eggz, whatever happened to that tuna you used to work with?

Eggz:  Oh, sad story.  She got caught being fresh and was canned. (Laughs and his bow tie wiggles again.)

Hamm:  You know Mr. Eggz, you're the first egg I've ever seen lay an egg.

Eggz:  Oh yeah?

Hamm:  Let's finish up before you get us in real trouble.

Eggz:  Yes sir!

Hamm:
At meals our act is very keen.

Eggz:
We're choke full of high protein.

Hamm and Eggz:
The meat group can help you keep strong!

Eggz:  Uh, say, Mr. Hamm, did I ever tell you about the time-

Hamm:  Hold it right there!  One more crack out of you and this act is finished!

Eggz:  One more crack out of me and the yolks on you!  (Laughs and bow tie wiggles yet again.)

Hamm:  That does it!  We're through!  

Eggz:  Fine.

Hamm:  There's plenty of good protein acts for me to work with.

Eggz:  Oh yeah?  Like who?

Hamm:  Cheese.  Cheese is a great source of protein.

Eggz:  Oh, I cheddar to think about it.

Hamm:  Beans.  Now there's a good-

Eggz:  Beans!  Oh, nuts to you, Hammy.

(The pans emit more smoke to hide Hamm and Eggz as they are lowered down into the stove.)

Hamm:  That's right.  Nuts to me!  Another excellent source of protein.

Eggz:  I can't take it.  What are you going to do with a guy like this?

(It's dark in the kitchen and crickets can be heard and fireflies can be seen outside of the kitchen window.  Tropical-type percussion is heard as the Colander Combo and Fiesta Fruit appear on stage.)
T
Kitchen Krackpots

Colander Combo and Fiesta Fruit:
Veggie fruit fruit. Veggie veggie fruit fruit.
Veggie fruit fruit. Veggie veggie fruit.

Bonnie:
I simply have to tell you that my friends who are singing are delectable.
Meals are divine as long as you can dine with fruit and vegetables.
They're good for you, every one.  
They make your meals a lot of fun.
Like a carnival.
It's nice to be with fruit and vegetables.

Bonnie:  And now, ladies and gentlemen, those fresh, ripe performers, The Colander Combo and the Fiesta Fruit!

Colander Combo and Fiesta Fruit:
There are no substitutes for we.
Veggie fruit fruit.  Veggie veggie fruit fruit.
You see (can't you see) a balanced meal always wins with our vitamins,
A and C.  Si si fruit fruit.  Veggie veggie fruit fruit.
Veggie fruit fruit.  

Mr. Broccoli (As his sunglasses pop up to show his eyes.):  Cha-cha-cha!

(A crescent moon is lowered from the ceiling and Bonnie is sitting on it, dressed in a Carmen Miranda-type outfit.)

Bonnie:
My friends are exciting,
just like fireworks igniting,
they're incredible.

(Fireworks appear outside the kitchen window.)

Sparks always fly,
each and every time you try,
fruit and vegetables.

They're inviting and delighting,
anytime you're with them it's a treat,
like a carnival.  

It's nice to dine with fruit and vegetables.

Colander Combo and Fiesta Fruit:
Veggie fruit fruit.  Veggie veggie fruit fruit.
Veggie fruit fruit.  Veggie veggie fruit fruit.
Ole!

Mr. Broccoli:  Cha-cha-cha!


Kitchen Krackpots postcard
Bonnie:
We'd like to thank you all for listening to us.
We hope you understand good nutrition's a must.
Think of variety in balanced amounts.
This is good for your health and that is all that counts.

(All of the characters from the show appeared again during the finale.)

Miss Cheese:
Think of our commentary.

Miss Yogurt:
And the foods from the dairy.

Miss Ice Cream:
Hey, it's not hard to imagine.

Mr. Dairy Goods:
That we'll always be in fashion.

The Cereal Sisters:
Hey good people have you heard?
Breads and cereals are the word.
Tell your friends we have arrived.
This group is hip to the jive!

Hamm and Eggz:
Just remember with each meal,
meats are such a tasty deal.

Hamm:
Say goodbye to his bad jokes.

Eggz:
'Cause we're going up in smoke, folks!  

(The pans begin to smoke.)

Colander Combo and Fiesta Fruit:
Ole amigos!  Don't forget,
Veggie fruit fruit are a good bet.
You'll enjoy us at each meal,
because we have appeal.

(Bonnie appears again on the small stage on the left side.  This time she's wearing her apron and looks ready to cook.)

Bonnie:
Now you've heard my friends,
they won't lead you astray.
When you balance up their act,
mealtime blues will go away.

(The sun shines brightly in the window. One of the band members can be heard saying "Alright gang, bring it on home!")  

All:
The proper foods each time you dine,
can keep you fit and feeling fine.
Eating right's a healthy sign,
and feeling good makes each day
shine and shine!

(Thanks to Flick and brotherdave at LaughingPlace.com for helping to "fill in the blanks" during the Boogie Woogie Bakery Boy and the Finale.  Thanks also to Scott Tilley for lyrics help.)




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See ya real soon!